


S/T repair

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-23
Updated: 2011-03-13
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:04:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3506093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was intended to be a single short fic, but they were being really difficult so it ended up going a few chapters instead.<br/>Because seriously, wtf was with S3 Toki?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> S/T issues. It’s not exactly happy.

Skwisgaar was surprised to find Toki in his room.  
Sure, that used to be a common occurrence, _used to_ being the key words, but things hadn’t been that way for a long time now. How long had it been? Funny, he couldn’t even say for sure.

It hadn’t seemed like a big deal at first, sure they had their differences sometimes. But the days and then weeks passed, and nothing changed. Eventually he just quit expecting him at all. Besides, it wasn’t Skwisgaar’s nature to pursue anyone. 

But now he was back, acting like nothing had changed. Like all the strain and silence never was. Sitting on the bed with that false innocent expression that Skwisgaar had once found endearing before he knew it was just a lie. There was nothing truly innocent about that man.

Toki was a little manipulator who played people to get what he wanted, he saw that now. He missed what they used to have which, at least at the time, had seemed to be something different, something real. Or maybe Toki had been playing a game all along, playing him?

Skwisgaar stood just inside his door, arms crossed. “What’s you wants?”  
Toki rose and came toward him, still making that puppy dog expression that he apparently thought was endearing. The slight smirk he couldn’t suppress ruined any illusion of innocense he might have been able to otherwise project. It was also pretty obvious that Toki was drunk.

Toki reached out, going straight for the belt buckle. He wasn’t even going to pretend that he wanted anything but sex?  
No. After all this time, no, not that way. This wasn’t a turn on, this was a fatal car accident in slow motion, or some other equally disastrous thing. How could Toki think this was all right? 

Skwisgaar was the fastest in more ways that one. He grabbed Toki’s fumbling wrists and turned him, pinning his hands against the door and high above his head where he couldn’t use his strength. Toki fought him, squirming, so Skwisgaar pressed his hips against him to hold him in place. “Toki! Stops fightings me!”

Surprisingly he obeyed, going still in Skwisgaar’s grasp. The false seductive look was gone, replaced by that of a sullen child being scolded.  
“Why de fucks ams you even here? Whats, did Murdersface throws you out or someting? You comes crawlings back to me? Pfft.” Skwisgaar didn’t relax his hold, the advantage was his only as long as he could keep it.

“I never fucks Moiderface! Why’s you not likes me anymore, Skwisgaar?”  
Really?! Skwisgaar rolled his eyes. “Oh let’s see... you starts avoidings me, you hangs out with Murdersface all de times, you goes to get _marrieds_ , you fucksing takes me to court, you punches de fucks out of mine arms... you needs me to goes on?”

“I misses you!” But the weight of the words was ruined but Toki’s squirming in an attempt to rub against Skwisgaar.  
Skwisgaar leaned harder to hold him still, willing himself not to respond. “Stops dat, it amn’st goings to work. What, you tink I am dat easy? Jus a bigs whore, ja?”  
Toki just whimpered a little.

Skwisgaar let him go, and went to sit on his bed. Toki stayed where he was against the door, arms down now but otherwise unmoving.  
“Goes away, Toki. Comes back when you’s not drunk, if you really wants to talks about dis.”  
With a slight nod, Toki opened the door and slipped out, head down and never meeting Skwisgaar’s eyes.

Alone, Skwisgaar lay back on his bed. Would Toki come back? Or had it just been a moment of weakness, and everything would continue as it had become?  
He missed what used to be, but could put no stock in this encounter. It was probably best not to think about it at all.  
Unless Toki came back.  
Skwisgaar slept, wrapped in fur and memories.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ve decided my best shot is to try to resolve my “wtf is wrong with S3 Toki” issues.

Two weeks later, Toki came back.  
By then Skwisgaar had convinced himself that it had been a freak thing, that it had meant nothing. Just drunk Toki, horny and looking for an easy lay.  
But then he came back.

Skwisgaar only had two ladies with him when Toki stuck his head in the door. Nothing was going on at the moment, he wasn’t even naked, but knocking would still have been nice. “Toki. What ams you wantings?”  
“To talks?” His expression was an unreadable mix.  
Skwisgaar sighed. “Ladies, I needs you to leaves. We has to has a guitarists meetings now.”

Toki waited, hovering in the doorway until they ladies were gone. Then he just kept standing there.  
“Ams you goings to comes in or nots?”  
He shuffled in, head down. Definitely not drunk this time, but acting weird. He sat on the corner of the bed.

Skwisgaar waited.  
And waited... and ran out of patience. “You says you wants to talks, so talks.”  
“You hates me!”  
“Oh Toki, I has always hateds you. You knows dat.”

Toki edged a little closer.  
Skwisgaar sighed, he wasn’t good at this sort of thing. It’s wasn’t like any of this was _his_ fault anyway. He shouldn’t have to be the one to fix it, he hadn’t done anything to deserve this.  
The silence was annoying.

Toki crept closer, fingers inching across Skwisgaar’s thigh as he edged nearer.  
Really? Again?! Skwisgaar grabbed the hand still short of it’s goal. “If you jus wants sexes, goes gets it somewhere else. I don’ts needs you for dat.”  
He was so close now.

Toki finally looked up at him, pouting.  
“Stops dat, I knows you too well. You amn’st a little kid, don’ts be actsing like it.”  
“You don’t wants me anymores?”  
“Nots like dis, no.” The old Toki, now that was a different matter...

They sat in silence again, and not a comfortable silence either. Skwisgaar was determined to wait it out, and Toki...  
He had no idea what Toki was thinking. _If_ he was even thinking.  
They used to be so comfortable together, this new stiff silence sucked.

Toki slumped forward, letting his hair screen his face the way he tended to do when he was upset. “I sucks your dick?”  
“Stops offerings me sex. Reallies, jus... _stops_.”  
“I don’ts know what else to offers you.”

Skwisgaar stood and went to his window, he needed a little space.  
_Had_ it only been sex to Toki? Is that what he’d thought? It seemed possible, Toki did go through stages where he would do pretty much anything at all for attention. But if that was true...  
He didn’t even want to think about that.

He looked back, Toki hadn’t moved. Skwisgaar sighed. “Toki? Why ams you reallies here?”  
“I misses you.”  
“I thought you says you ams jus wantings me for sex?”  
Toki shook his head, still not turning or even looking up. “Noes.”

Skwisgaar leaned against the wall, having no idea what to do. “Well talks to me den, I gots no fucksing clue what you ams tinkings.”  
“I don’ts know what I’s thinking anymores either, not mosts of the time.”  
“Dat ams not exactsly helpfuls.”

This was looking more and more pointless. Was Toki going to talk or not? If not, then why was he still here? “Damnsit, Toki! I don’ts know what you ams wantings from me!”  
He _finally_ looked up, twisting around. “It’s too lates, isn’ts it? I’s sorries!” He wasn’t playing... whatever game he’d been playing anymore, this was just plain old Toki now.  
“Too lates for whats?” Skwisgaar wasn’t going to let him off that easily.

“I wants us to be likes we used to, before everything gets all fucks up?”  
“You ams de one who fucks it ups, so what ams you goings to does about it? Hmm?”  
“I don’ts know! I already tries to sucks your dick, you won’ts let me. I just wants to go back in time, but that don’ts work.” He shook his head. “Unless we has a time machines... but I’s pretty sure we doesn’t. We should gets one.”

“Toki, focus. We don’ts has a time machines, dey don’ts exist.” Skwisgaar moved back to sit on the bed again. Toki reached for his hand, and Skwisgaar let him take it.  
Toki just held it for a minute, running his thumb across the knuckles, then laced their fingers together with a little sigh. He scooted closer, closing the space between them and pressing lightly against Skwisgaar’s side. 

They sat that way for a bit.  
The silence wasn’t as empty now. Even touching, there was still a distance there, but it didn’t look as unbridgeable as it had before. Skwisgaar ran his thumb over Toki’s and gave his hand a little squeeze.  
Maybe they could fix this after all.

Then Skwisgaar’s dethphone farted, letting him know he had a new message. Murderface had set it to that a while back, and he’d so far been unable to figure out how to change it. He untangled his fingers from Toki’s and checked it.  
“Shits, I forgets I has a meetings. I gots to go, ams alreadies late.”

“Your phone _farteds_?” Toki looked like he was trying not to laugh.  
“Ja, it does dat. Long stories, but I don’t knows how to stops it.”  
“I can fixes it for you.”  
“Okays, but later. I gots to be going now. You wants to comes back laters?”  
Toki nodded, and Skwisgaar left the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying, but they're being very difficult to work with.

Later that night, they were all having their after dinner hot tub time.  
Pickles was being oddly quiet, and soon climbed out and left. Nobody paid hm any mind. He got in moods sometimes, they were used to it. He was probably just going to get high and listen to 80's music again.

Skwisgaar was thinking about getting out too. If he went to his room, Toki would probably follow and maybe, just maybe, they could work some things out.  
Or maybe Toki could tell him what the fuck had gone wrong, because he still had no idea.  
Yes, it was a good time to leave.

But Murderface spoke up first. “Guessch what, Toki? That documentary I’ve been waiting for came in today. You schtill wanna watch it with me?”  
“Oh, the one with the guys that has the holes in him that you can looks in?”  
“That’sch the one!”

Skwisgaar was listening, keeping his expression neutral. He’d thought Toki was going to spend more time with him.  
“Hey, you guysch wanna watch it too?”  
“Documentaries, ugh. No.”  
Skwisgaar just shook his head, he wasn’t fascinated by open wounds.

Toki had that cornered look he got when he couldn’t decide what to do. It was obvious that he really wanted to go watch the documentary, but he wanted to go with Skwisgaar too.  
Skwisgaar just waited, refusing to influence him in any way, focusing on his guitar instead. He was aware of Nathan watching him, but ignored him as well.

“Come on, Toki!” Murderface climbed out. “Unlessch you’re too much of a pusschy to handle it.”  
“I’s not!” With another almost guilty glance at Skwisgaar, Toki got up and followed. “I wants to see the holies guy!”  
They left the room.

Nathan grabbed more beers, handing one to Skwisgaar. “So uh, what’s going on with you two anymore anyway?”  
“Nathan, you always says to nevers-“  
“I know, I know, never talk about the gay stuff in front of me. But it doesn’t count if I ask. Toki’s been kinda a dick these days, I liked him better back when you guys were doing... that stuff I don’t wanna think about. So what happened?”

Skwisgaar sipped his beer, then shrugged. “I has no idea reallies.”  
“Huh. Well, can you fix it? Or is he fucking Murderface now? Because that’s kinda disturbing.”  
“I asks dat, he says he amn’ts. De rests... I don’ts know. Ams kinds of up to him I tink, if he even wants dat.”

Nathan seemed to be thinking. “So who was the chick? Not that I’m thinking about that or anything.”  
“Whats?”  
“I mean, like... when you... you know, did it.”  
“Dat’s kind of personals. And besides, beings de bottom don’ts make you a ladies.”

Nathan looked unconvinced. “Are you sure he’s not fucking Murderface?”  
Skwisgaar decided he’d had enough and climbed out. “I’s not sure of anythings. But if dat’s what he wants, dere ams noting I can does abouts it.”  
“Aw, you’re leaving me here?”  
“Goodnights, Nathan.”

****

Documentaries weren’t usually very long, were they? So Toki might still show up. He decided to just practice some more, playing always helped.  
Skwisgaar sat on his bed facing the window, his fingers on the strings expressing the thoughts he couldn’t put words to.

He was so involved in his playing that he didn’t even notice, some time later, that Toki had come in until he spoke.  
“Heys.”  
Skwisgaar jumped a little and looked up. “Oh. How was you’s movie ting?”

Toki sat on the edge of the bed. “It was _awesomes_! There was this guy, ands he gets shot and never heals! And so he gots this hole in his stomachs and the doctors all watches him eat and stuff. Ands there was lots of real pictures too!”  
“Dat sounds kinds of disgusting actuallies, I don’t tink I ams wanting to sees dat.”

“You wants me to fix you’s phone now?”  
“Ja sures.” Skwisgaar handed it over. “Here you goes.”  
“Watch, I teach you hows to does it.”  
“Don’ts bother. You shows me befores, I never rememberes. Jus changes it fors me, okays?”

Toki was apparently looking through a menu. “Okays, whats you wants it to be?”  
“Anyting but what it ams now. Someting boring?”  
There were some assorted phone noises as Toki changed stuff back to boring sounds that has come included with all their phones. Then he handed it back. “All fixes!”

And then they were out of easy things to say again. Skwisgaar was beginning to really hate silence.  
Toki twisted around to lay on his stomach across the bed, with his feet hanging off and his chin propped up on his hands. “Skwisgaar? How’s we get this ways?”  
“You walks in and lays down and now here we ams.”

Toki shifted enough to punch him lightly in the arm. “That’s nots what I meant.”  
“I knows.”  
“Well, you’s going to answers?”  
“I don’t has de answers.” Skwisgaar just shrugged.

It got quiet again. There they were, together again but still miles apart.  
Skwisgaar closed his eyes. He felt Toki’s fingers on his hair, the touch so light he was nearly convinced he was just imagining it. Maybe he was?  
He didn’t look, if he was wrong he didn’t want to know.  
And then it was gone.

Skwisgaar looked.  
Toki was laying as he had been. “I’s sorries. I don’ts know what happened, and I don’ts know how to fixes it.”  
“I don’ts either. Ams you sure you even wants to try?”  
“Unless you don’ts wants me no more.”

“Well dat depends. Ams you goings to keep actings like you has lately?” It wasn’t a very nice thing to say, but it just slipped out.  
Toki looked hurt. “I guess I should goes now so I’s not bothering you anymores.” He rolled over and stood up.  
“Toki, waits-“  
“Goodnights, Skwisgaar.” Toki left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The case is real, but I can’t remember the guy’s name or even for sure which war it was. There’s probably not really a documentary though.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Finally_ we have a bit of progress.

Skwisgaar felt like he should apologize.  
But he was Skwisgaar, he never apologized for anything, so of course he wasn’t going to. It wasn’t a very good feeling though.  
It had been two days, and Toki had shown no signs of coming back on his own.

Nathan was right, what he’d said about things being different now. Not just Toki, but all of them. The whole band dynamic had shifted around, and not for the better. They were close to falling apart, and indeed almost had in one way or another.  
Skwisgaar knew he was just as much at fault as the others.

With the exception of Nathan, all of them had been out of Dethklok for a period of time in the past year, even the butler.  
Sure everything _seemed_ okay now, but was it just a fresh coat of paint over a crumbling wall? Pretty, but still hopelessly broken?  
How had they all let it get to this point? 

Sitting around thinking wasn’t helping.  
Skwisgaar decided to go to Toki’s room, to talk to him if he seemed willing. It was late, but he’d probably still be awake.  
Funny, how long had it been since he’d gone there? Too long. Toki usually came to him, that’s just how they did things. _Had_ done things.

He would have knocked, but the door wasn’t quite closed.  
Toki was hunched over his desk with a look of intense concentration and frustration, a few bits of model trapped between his fingers.  
Skwisgaar spoke softly so he wouldn’t startle him, “Heys.” 

“Fucksings stupid ass tit shits,” Toki muttered into his hands.  
“You wants me to helps? Maybe holds dat fors you?”  
“Okays. Fuckings thing moves every time I tries to glues it.”

Skwisgaar stepped behind him, reaching his long arms around to hold the small pieces like Toki showed him. Toki, in his arms again. Sort of.  
He watched as Toki glued the pieces in place, then kissed him on the top of the head.  
Toki didn’t move or react, but of course he was concentrating on his work.

“This glue dries fast, you can lets go nows.”  
Skwisgaar let go of the... whatever it was going to be and started to pull his arms back, but Toki grabbed them.  
“I means you can lets go of that, nots me.”

“Oh.” Skwisgaar carefully wrapped his arms around Toki’s torso, so familiar even after so long. He pressed his face into his hair, breathing the scent that was uniquely _Toki_.  
Then Toki squirmed, pulling the arms loose and getting up.

Skwisgaar backed off, wondering if he’d done something wrong.  
But no, Toki turned to him. “No fair you gets to does all the holdings.” And wrapped him in an almost crushing hug.  
Skwisgaar grunted a little, but hugged him back as fiercely as he could.

They stood that way for quite a while, neither wanting to be the first to let go.  
“Skwisgaar, kisses me.” It was far more of a demand than a request.  
But either way, how could he deny it?  
They kissed, with only their mouths moving and their arms still holding tight.

Skwisgaar savored it, unsure if it would last. There was just something between them that he’d been unable to find anywhere or in anyone else.  
He hoped that Toki felt the same.  
That was the problem though, he’d never know what Toki really felt. They didn’t talk about it, because that would be really gay. They weren’t gay. They both fucked women, therefore they weren’t gay.

But he couldn’t pursue that train of thought (what had it been?) all he could do was focus on the present.  
On Toki. The touch, the feel, the smell.  
When Toki finally broke the kiss and urged him toward the bed, Skwisgaar went without complaint.

**** (no porn for you, sahrry) 

Toki was gone when Skwisgaar woke up.  
That wasn’t unusual, he’d almost always woken earlier. They’d usually been in Skwisgaar’s bed though.  
Toki’s bed, despite how many times he’d complained about the size, was actually pretty comfortable. But last night...  
How had they fallen back into the pattern so easily?

After the kiss, his resolve had just melted.   
What Toki wanted was what _he_ wanted, every touch, everything.  
Fall back in, pretend it’s all the same again.  
Was it?

Was everything fixed again, if it had ever been broken?  
If they had ever been broken?   
Were things back to the beginning, having multiple beginnings?  
Thinking _sucked_. 

They needed to actually talk.  
But talking might ruin everything.  
Skwisgaar got up and headed to his room to take a shower.  
Or something.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a little help from Nathan, they finally talk. This is the end of this particular fic, it wasn’t even supposed to take this long.

A few weeks later Skwisgaar couldn’t decide what to think.  
They’d fallen back into their old patterns easily enough, hanging out a bit more and spending at least a few nights a week together.  
But was it just sex? Had it _always_ been just sex? He’d been forced to realize that he didn’t even know.

It was almost a relief when Nathan showed up in his room one day, not that he’d admit it.  
“So um,” At least Nathan looked as uncomfortable as he felt. “Is it fixed? You guys, I mean? Because it still seems weird.”  
“I has no idea, really. I can’ts tell what he ams tinking.”  
“Have you asked him? Isn’t that what people normally do in these situations? Well, it doesn’t work with chicks, they just scream about... You never even know what they’re talking about. But Toki’s not a chick.”

Instead of answering, Skwisgaar just picked up his guitar and started playing.  
Nathan reached out and wrapped one huge hand around the guitar neck, stopping him. “Just fucking talk to him. Or I’ll like, have to. And that probably wouldn’t go so well.”  
“Why de fucks you cares so much?”  
“I just want my band back to normal! Even if you have to be all gay about it, I guess.”

Nathan released the strings, but Skwisgaar set his guitar aside anyway. “I don’ts know whats to say.”  
“Uh, to me or to him?”   
Skwisgaar scoffed. “To him, dildos. What woulds you say?”  
“I don’t fucking know, I’ve never dated a dude!”

Skwisgaar automatically reached for his guitar, but pulled his hand back. “Fines. If he was a ladies, what woulds you says?”  
Nathan made a face, probably at the mental image of Toki as a chick. “Please shut up, and I promise I’ll take you to Bed Bath & Beyond?”  
“Pfft, I don’t tink Toki wants to go dere, but thanks anyways.” 

“Look, just talk to him. I’m serious, don’t make me go ask him this shit.” Nathan went to the door.  
“Fines, fines.”  
“Oh, you never really said which one of you is the girl. Not that I care.”  
“Goodsbye, Nathan.” Skwisgaar waved him back and shut the door.

****

Skwisgaar was stalling.   
Of course he wanted to know what Toki really thought about them, but at the same time, he didn’t. What if all it was to him was just meaningless sex?  
But wouldn’t it be better to know for sure, either way? Without Nathan getting any more involved?   
He would have to do it. But maybe not tonight...

****

A few days later, after assorted looks from Nathan, Skwisgaar decided to just get it over with.  
Now he was just waiting for Toki. Before or after sex, which would be better? After, right? But this having to talk about feelings bullshit was making him very nervous, Toki was going to notice that.  
Well, he’d _probably_ notice. Maybe not. Actually, it was probably best to just get it over with.

Toki noticed, giving him an odd look when he came in and then sitting on the bed in silence. He clearly wasn’t going to make this any easier.  
Skwisgaar took a deep breath and turned to him. “We needs to be talking about some tings. I needs to know what all dis means to you, what I means to you.”  
This wasn’t easy. Toki had two ways of dealing with pressure, shut down or explode There was no way to predict which one it would be. “Toki, talks to me.”

“You remember what you says to me the first time we ever does this? I remember, I never forgots!” He got up and started pacing.  
“Toki-“  
“You says ‘Toki, don’ts do nothing stupid like fallings in love with me,’ that’s what you says! Your rules, Skwisgaar! Your rules!”  
“What de fucks, you ams goings to hold me to someting I says years ago?!”

Toki didn’t answer.  
“Do you loves me? Or does you jus likes what we does in bed, and all dose other places?”  
“Why’s you even care?!”  
“I wants to know! I miss what I thought we has, used to has! Stops pacing and talks to me!”

Toki stopped, but with his back to him. “Do you loves me?”  
“I asks you first!”  
“Do you loves me?!”  
“I asks first, you has to answers first! Ams you in loves wit me or nots?”  
“DO YOU LOVES ME?!”

Skwisgaar gave up. “Fucks, Toki! Fines! Ja I does, okays? I don’ts know why, you ams fucksing impossibles.”  
Toki was very still now, and still facing away.  
“But I wants to be knowing what you tinks abouts me. Will you tells me?” Still no answer, so Skwisgaar got up and moved to face Toki’s all too familiar blank expression.  
Great, he’d shut down.

Giving up and laying on his bed, Skwisgaar wondered how much of that Toki had even really heard. It was hard to tell when he got this way. He wished he’d been able to get an answer first, but... Toki was just Toki. Maybe he’d come out of it soon, maybe he’d stand there most of the night.  
With a sigh, Skwisgaar turned off the light and got in bed properly. “Toki, if you can even hears me, I really does love you.”

****

He was almost asleep when he felt Toki crawl in bed with him.  
“Skwisgaar?” It was almost a whisper.  
“Hmm?”  
“I loves you too. I tries really hard nots to, but it happens anyways. I thoughts I was just stupids.”  
“You ams not stupids. Or maybe we both ams, I don’ts know.”

Toki edged closer, and Skwisgaar pulled him in until they were wrapped around each other.  
“Skwisgaar? Does you really thinks we can get back to like we used to be? Before everything happened?”  
“No, I tinks we can does better dis time.”  
“I likes that plan.” Toki nuzzled him, finding his lips in the dark.  
Skwisgaar smiled against his lips. “Toki, I loves you.”  
“I loves you too.”


End file.
